Some days it is a blessing to say we’re still standing. Our very souls feel beaten, bruised, and bloodied. Dreams are dashed. We feel stuck in mud, spiritually and emotionally, and it is hard to imagine that we will ever be anything but tired again.
I go to this passage a lot, admittedly paraphrased in my brain, to remind me that when I come to the end of myself, God is still there. He has actually been there the whole time, but this independent, wannabe self-sufficient, “I can bring home the bacon” kind of woman needs to be reminded that I need to lean in.
Leaning in means that honesty about where I am is required. God is big enough to deal with my anger, sadness, discontent, and all the rest of me. Have you really read the Psalms? Try Psalm 69 on for size. The first place to start with that honesty, friends, is to be honest with God.
He understands when we are angry and frustrated with ongoing problems, answers that don’t seem to be anywhere around, confusion about what feels like everything. The Psalmists ask many times “How long, O Lord?”
Leaning into God means that we talk to him (out loud can be really effective) about doubts, too. He understands that sometimes we wonder if he exists, if he hears us, or if he care. Share those thoughts too, even if you can’t be sure he exists.
God shows up even when our emotions tell us otherwise. He is there and is attentive and able to make changes – big one and little ones, too.
“For the Lord hears the needy, and does not despise his own that are in bonds.” Psalm 69:33 (NRSV)